Wide*Eyed and Wanton

Because he owns you doesn’t mean he shouldn’t care!!!

I read a lot of posts on here that make me sad. There are so many women who are being abused and it’s masked as a D/s relationship. People need to get some things straight here!

1) A good D/s relationship has the EXACT SAME foundation of a good vanilla relationship! You are not to sacrifice certain basic standards simply because you choose to submit. A Dom cares for, respects and appreciates his submissive. He should be PROTECTIVE of her. After all, she should be his prized possession.

2) There is NO ROOM for lies, deception, games and any other sort of bullshit in D/s. Due to the extremes that this relationship can sometimes take on, this is ESPECIALLY important. Submissives, if you feel your Dom is stringing you along and/or lying to you, then that is a HUGE problem. You cannot have a strong D/s relationship without raw honestly. It will just NOT WORK. As with ANY relationship, that should not be tolerated.

3) Your Dom should have your absolute best interests in mind. If you want to go to school to better yourself, for instance…your Dom should not be telling you that you need to stay home and take care of him, so you’re not able to go. A good Master will not only make sure that you go, but beat your ass when you slack off. ;-) All jokes aside, a caring Dominant will WANT you to do the things that make you a better person. Anyone who separates you from that quite frankly doesn’t give a shit about you.

4) Your relationship should be about more than just sex. If your Dom couldn’t care less about what you do in your life aside from when you have playtime…once again, he doesn’t care about YOU. He should know everything about you and be interested in what makes you tick. He should know everything from the kind of music you like, to your favorite foods. If he doesn’t know and doesn’t care to know, that’s a red flag.

5) He should also respect your limits. Granted, limits will be pushed, but they should never be pushed further than you are physically or emotionally ready to go. If by some chance they are, your Dominant should be willing to help you deal with whatever happens as a result. Thankfully, I have an Owner who is very aware of my emotional and physical state and we’ve never had to use a safeword…however, if you do use one, your Dom should stop IMMEDIATELY. If he continues, he doesn’t care.

6) AFTERCARE, AFTERCARE, AFTERCARE!!! I cannot stress this enough. Some “scenes” can be emotionally and physically draining. They can leave the sub frantic, upset, confused, weepy, etc. A caring Dominant should be there to discuss concerns, questions, and feelings. He should be there if you need to be held, hugged or just reassured that everything is fine. If you need that and he’s not willing to provide it, then once again…HE DOES NOT CARE.

7) A REAL DOM doesn’t expect you to like everything he asks you to do! And guess what, you don’t have to!!! You are a person who is entitled to your OWN individual thoughts and feelings. Just because you may not love an activity that you’re expected to do, doesn’t make you any less of a submissive. There are things that Daddy asks me to do that I don’t necessarily love, but I do them out of my devotion to him and love for him. He will ask me how I feel about whatever that is to get a idea of how I think. That doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t continue to be subjected to whatever that hated task is…but it means that I am in a place where it is SAFE to *respectfully* tell him how I feel. Ultimately, what happens will be his decision, but he doesn’t think I’m a “bad girl” because I have my own thoughts and ideas that don’t automatically match up to his. It’s OK to think for yourself. A real Dom (not an insecure little boy) should welcome your thoughts. After all, what’s the point of this if there is no mental stimulation?

Again, I don’t pretend to be an expert in all things kink-related. I’m just a practical, down-to-earth chick who is trying to take the mysticism out of this thing they call BDSM. Many times, so-called Doms try to add all this smoke and mirrors to mask what is essentially abuse. My Daddy can be quite strict and demanding with me, but he also treats me in a way that clearly shows I matter to him. If you’re not into pain, but your Dom is always beating you, you have to wonder what that is about? Some basic fundamentals should be aligned, as they have to be to form ANY strong relationship…even non-sexual ones. Be smart. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled by the wanna-be’s. A Dominant man JUST IS a Dominant man. It’s not something he puts on. It’s not a show. And every REAL Dom I met was fiercely protective of his submissive. Being an alpha male typically comes with that need to protect.

Keep your eyes open so you can keep yourself safe. At the end of the day, you still have to look out for yourself.

(PS I see you all reblogging this post…time to follow me!! Yes, I know I’m awesome. Just CLICK THE PLUS SIGN! *wink* subbieblackgrl is sending you subliminal messages to do it. DO IT NOW, LOL! )